Next! Adventures in Dating...

So far

2010-10-01T09:40:00.000-07:00

So far I've mostly played by the rules. I didn't email anyone before 24 hours were up. The one text I received (because guys no longer have the balls to call a girl), I waited a day to respond. I know what you are thinking - "but it's a text!". Yeah, but it didn't say much. Just something about having a good day. No questions. No reason to really respond immediately. Plus, I was at the gym, and then I had to go home to sit on the couch and watch tv.

I received an email from one of the guys last night asking me if I was available this weekend. According to the rules - no, I am not available. And I might have plans tomorrow night anyway. But what about Sunday? The Rules don't say anything about Sunday. Too bad a consultation with The Rules chics is $300! Ridiculous. Not that I was going to consult them - I just went to the website (which is poorly done by the way) and saw the info there. Who pays that?? I just want someone to tell me what the rule is for texting and for dates Sunday through Friday. That certainly won't take the 30 minutes that the $300 pays for! Seriously - I can't believe these chics can charge that much. I wonder how much they make from individual consultations. I bet they make more if they spiffed up their website.

Oh yeah - tonight I am going to a social event. I don't really want to, but I'm supposed to go even though I don't want to. It's a rule. Luckily, I hear the meeting is only 45 minutes. Then they go somewhere for dinner (and hopefully drinks) afterward. It is a social club that has different outdoor events (no it is NOT choa - no way). They ski a lot during the winter a in NC, so I'm hoping that maybe I'll turn into a ski bunny.

And I'll end this post right there.....

Have you met me???

2010-10-01T06:37:00.000-07:00

Apparently not.

Now, this is not a rule, but a recommendation at the back of The Rules book. They want me to only have one drink on a date - then entire time. Huh? Seriously - What's the point?

Once a Week

2010-09-29T09:27:00.000-07:00

Here's one that I agree with, however, at this point, I do not practice:

Attend a singles or social event at least once a week. Go even if you don't want to. And go alone if you have to.

First of all, there are no "singles dances" anymore. And if there is one, you wouldn't find me at one. Losers. (I apologize if I've offended anyone.) But there are many social groups that meet for happy hours and dinners all the time. I hate going to these things alone. It makes me very uncomfortable. But rules are rules, so I'll try it out. I'll be the one at the bar drinking a Cabernet on my own.

Take up a hobby? I have extracurricular activities that I enjoy - they just aren't activities where you would normally meet men. I've been thinking of volunteering, but can't find anything that I want to do. I'm planning to go to some of these social group meetups, but I'm concerned that it will be all older, more mature people. And I just won't fit in. But I must try. If I can't stand being there, I can always leave.

Any ideas of interesting activities?

Rule #1 for Online Dating

2010-09-28T06:36:00.000-07:00

Always wait 24 hours to respond to his email. Ok, I can see this one. But what about texts? Wait a couple of hours? Respond in the evening before retiring to bed?

Rule #2: Never contact men first.
I don't like this rule as it seems that not all profiles are shown to everyone. This is a rule I will probably break.

I have very little patience or self control. This should be one interesting experiment.

Apparently

2010-09-27T17:53:00.000-07:00

I've been doing everything wrong. I should think about what I would normally do when dating....and then do the complete opposite....

Starting Over

2010-09-27T11:37:00.000-07:00

I'm not in a relationship yet. Hell, I still can't even get past the fifth date. It's been over a year since I started with match.com (for the millionth time), and I'm still looking.

Nothing that I've done thus far in my life has worked, so I've decided to use a new set of rules. Many of you know them as simply "The Rules". Now, I have always thought they were stupid and ridiculous, but whatever it is I'm doing is working. Right? So why not give them a shot. You never know.

I didn't realize that this book controls your every move, including what you are allowed to say, think, wear, hold your head, etc, etc.

Apparently, men love a challenge. Perhaps this is why I can't catch a man. I wear my heart on my sleeve when I should make them think I'm not interested?

Some rules I've read so far:
Don't meet him half way or go dutch on a date

Don't open up too fast
Don't call him and rarely return his calls
Don't expect a man to change or try to change him - Well, this one, I knew.
Always end the date first
Don't stare at men or talk to much (I might have a problem with this one.)
Don't accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday

So, who will be my first victim?

Oh yeah -

2010-01-23T05:13:00.000-08:00

One more that I forgot about - Matt. I think he was after I stopped writing. Nice guy. Made my face hurt from laughing so much....but I just wasn't feeling attracted to him. Maybe I should contact him again. He'd make a great friend.

...So..Um...

2010-01-19T15:43:00.000-08:00

Yeah. I supposed I took a little break there. Dating is HARD!! And wish I didn't have to do it anymore...but let's face it, if I don't want to become the old, crazy, cat-lady, I have to.

Since I last wrote, I've dated several men...Sean, Jay, Brian, gosh, I can't remember that one's name (oops), oh yeah - Jeff, Kevin, Scott....and, um, Eric again. I think that covers it, but probably not. Only three of them did I go out with more than once.

To make a long story short, I successfully completed my six month stint on match.com without finding a relationship (Surprise!!), so now I get six months for free. Let's hope these second six months bode better for this blog (and me as well).

Gotta run for now! Lots of email to write! I'll keep you posted on my progress.

Oh yeah - I am supposed to have a date with Ken this Thursday. We have been chatting on and off for about a year now. You would think that we would have met by now. Any suggestions on what we should do??

Well, I Thought He Liked Me....

2009-09-22T17:30:00.001-07:00

But maybe he changed his mind. Once again, I haven't heard from Eric in a few days. The last time we spoke was on Sunday morning when he called me for a beer recommendation to take to his friend's house for dinner. I told him I'd call him back (I wasn't really in a place where I could talk) and when I did, he didn't answer. So, I left a message, but he never returned the call. Then on Monday morning I sent him a quick email asking about the beer he chose - very casual....but he never responded. It's Tuesday night and I'm still waiting. I thought "well, maybe I'll just give him a quick call to see if we can catch up." Called. No answer. I didn't leave a message.

I hate dating. This blog was supposed to be fun, but I feel like I'm just whining now. Blah - hopefully tomorrow will be better....

The Sauce

2009-09-18T13:54:00.000-07:00

He called about thirty minutes before our date to make sure he had the correct directions, so I told him how to get to Saucer. However, apparently that is not what he was looking for. What he really wanted to know was how to get to my house to pick me up. I can’t even remember the last time that a date picked me up, so that was nice. And he opens the door for me! Holy crap!

We headed over to the bar and decided to sit outside. It wasn’t too hot, nor too cold, so don’t worry, I was ok – no sweat or goose bumps. We ordered beer and food. Duh. And talked. Not about anything very serious, just general chatting and getting to know you better stuff. There is still so much more that I want to know. And sometimes I don’t remember things the first time they are told to me, so I may be redundant with my questions. Lots of hand holding and such.

It was a fairly short date. I need longer to pull out all the deep, dark secrets!! I can’t just jump in to certain topics of conversation….such as past relationships…

We have plans to see each other next week.

He is yummy!

He calls me Wen. I like it.

No, Really, What AM I going to wear??

2009-09-17T06:19:00.001-07:00

I did not plan ahead this week. Thursday crept up on me and now the date is upon me. And I have nothing to wear. In fact I even have to wear a pair of pants to the gym that have paint on them because I failed to do the ridiculous amount of laundry one must do when they work out twice a day. All my clean clothes are still in a basket on the floor in my bedroom. Nothing is ironed. It is raining. What on earth am I going to do? Jeans? Might still be too hot. Capris? Need ironing. I wonder if they even still fit. And if they do, my shirts are not ironed either. Well done, Wendy, well done.

So, at this point the plan is to hit the gym right after work. I'm not even going to keep my stuff in a locker - I'll just bring it to class with me. That way I can get out of there asap, drive home, shower....and maybe iron a shirt. Then I have to make myself pretty, but that only takes about sixty seconds.

Ok! There's the plan! Not that you asked.... I have to do some work now.....

Is Eric reading my blog?

2009-09-15T17:22:00.000-07:00

So, after I wrote about Eric not calling, he called two days in a row. And we have a date on Thursday. So far, so good. I'm wondering how things are going to go. Do I greet him with a passionate kiss or a nice hello? I'm thinking kiss. What am I going to wear?? Looks like it might rain that day. None of my rain clothes fit me well right now. I'll just find a casual pair of jeans and nice t-shirt or blouse. I mean, really, it is only the Flying Saucer. We all know I love the Saucer, but its not exactly a venue that requires dressing up. Hell - I've been there directly after mountain biking - mud, sweat and all!!

Melodramatic??

2009-09-14T17:04:00.000-07:00

Me? Never. I just need attention and when I don't get it, then I figure that person I want/need attention from is no longer interested. And to be honest - this really, truly is normally the case. I think we all know the saying "he's just not that into you."

I wanted to know. That is the kind of person I am. I need to know and have closure from a guy. So after not hearing from Eric all weekend, I decided to write a quick, quirky email to him. If he didn't answer, then I had my answer. He didn't email back. Instead he called. We talked for a while and then made plans to get together later on this week. He asked. Not me. Hopefully this time we will get to really talk again.

More later.

I don't

2009-09-13T17:23:00.000-07:00

think I can do this anymore. I'm too jaded.

What makes me think that any man - young or old - will actually want to date me? Really date me? Not just try to get what they can and when they don't, they leave. Am I not good enough to keep around? Am I only good for one thing? When men don't get that, there is nothing else worthwhile.

He did not call. All weekend. I received one text on Sat night (after I had texted him HOURS beforehand) saying he would call when he was "done hanging out with his buddy." Well, it is 8:30 Sunday evening and I haven't heard a peep.

I'm so tired of it all. You always think "oh, this is the time it is going to work out." And then its not. Again.

I just don't know

2009-09-10T14:50:00.000-07:00

I'm scared. I don't know that I could survive another heartbreak. How do you let yourself open up to some one, have feelings for some one, when you are afraid that as soon as you do, he will leave or change his mind about you? Then I wonder - how many other women is he dating? Kissing? I don't share. I know, I know, its only been three dates...but these are the things I think about. There is so much to know about him that I don't know. I realize that is why we date, but why does it have to be so hard? And hurt so much?

Is This Wrong??

2009-09-09T14:07:00.001-07:00

Is it wrong to write about some one that you like and enjoy being with? I'm arguing with myself trying to figure it out. Thoughts??

Fajitas, A Movie

2009-09-08T18:59:00.000-07:00

And Kissing. Great night.

The waiting game is over....

2009-09-07T13:25:00.000-07:00

For today! Going out with him tonight.....

The waiting game drives me crazy

2009-09-07T10:12:00.000-07:00

The End.

Butterflies

2009-09-06T10:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't had butterflies over a guy in years. Litterally years. In fact, I can't even remember them. Well, it's about damn time.........

"Sorry, but I didn't have time to shave."

2009-09-05T07:15:00.000-07:00

After emailing with Zach a few times, I asked if he would like to meet after work one day. He agreed and we decided on Tuesday. Several texts were sent back and forth trying to figure out where to meet - we decided on Dilworth/Southend, but not anything specific at that point. I didn't want to go somewhere to eat bar food, but I didn't want to suggest anything expensive either. Finally decided just to meet at Dilworth Neighborhood Grill for a drink and then go from there.

I get there first and order a beer (Dogfishhead India Brown Ale if you were wondering) even though I wasn't supposed to be drinking beer. It just sounded so yummy! He came in and found me. Unshaved. Though it didn't really bother me, I do have to say, for one day of not shaving, there was a lot of hair! Whatev. He was nice enough and we decided to go to Mamma Ricotta for dinner. It was very good - one of the more flavorful dinners I've had there. The conversation flowed well, but there was a deal breaker on this date. He walked me to my car after dinner and we said goodbye. Nice guy, just not the nice guy for me.

What ever happened to propper writing?

2009-08-27T04:34:00.000-07:00

Now, I know that I am not the best author - my grammar isn't alway perfect, but at least I punctuate!! I probably OVER-punctuate. Here are some sentences from a profile of a guy that wrote to me. If a guy makes a mistake, no big deal. But to do this several times in a profile you are going to publish?? Come on now! Am I being to critical?

"I like to go out or relax at home and watch a movie. I like a nice weekend getaway as well I like to go out or relax at home and watch a movie. I like a nice weekend getaway as well "

"for fun:
I enjoy going to baseball games, fishing, traveling and doing projects around the house "

"my job:
I handle claims for an insurance company "

And MY favorite:

"last read:
I read extreme measures by Vince Flynn "

On Deck

2009-08-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

I am still communicating with a few guys that I have not met yet. Scott, who I've mentioned previously and Zach, who I haven't.

Scott - seems really nice, but also seems to have a very busy schedule. We were supposed to get together this week, however he has too much going on. Then he is going out of town for the weekend. I don't know about this. It seems that he may not be ready for a chic in his life.

Zach - new guy with whom I've recently started to communicate. I don't know too much about him except that he is a couple of years younger than me and he used to live in DeLand. Oh yeah (and this makes me feel old) he went home this past weekend for his ten year high school reunion. Ouch.

Is it a ride or a "RIDE"?

2009-08-25T18:04:00.000-07:00

Not sure on this one. I think he's asking me for a "date", but I can never be sure. We met in the parking lot of one of the mountain bike trails that I ride. He just came up and introduced himself asking if I ride with a group. Then he invited me to ride with his group - however, when we finally got together it was only the two of us. Cute, but I have no idea how old he is. He could be thirty seven (fine) or he could be forty seven (not fine) - still a good looking guy though.

He showed up in full-on bike gear - spandex and everything! This is fine for riding, but if we were to go out somewhere for a beer afterwords, I hope he has some other shorts to put on. ;-)

We stopped a couple of times and chatted. He told me that I was a really good rider - we just need to work on my endurance. I think I need to work on speed because I know he is really fast and was just being nice to hang back with me. Afterwards we talked for a while. He is heading out on vacation for the week in the Outer Banks to go kite surfing. Now that's my kind of vacation!!

He suggested that next time we ride that we go to the White Water Center because then afterwards we could grab a bite and beverage.

Got a text on Sat saying that he enjoyed our ride. I am looking forward to him coming back from vacation. Oh yeah - his name is Eric.

Apologies?

2009-08-20T13:33:00.001-07:00

Matt texted this morning to apologize about last night. He says that he was slammmed at work and to let him know when I am free again.

Hmmmm....to give it another chance or not to give it another chance? That is the question.

Bikes

2009-08-19T17:55:00.000-07:00

Meeting to ride with Biker guy on Friday. You guys don't even know about him. And to be honest, neither do I......

NEXT!!

2009-08-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

So! (my mom says i say that a lot) I was supposed to go out with matt #1 tonight. So! I got a text from him at about 8:15 this morning. "Live music on the patio of Village Bistro in Ballantyne Village this evening. Want to join me?" So! Way down in Ballantyne, huh? I waited quite a while and wrote back asking if we might be able to meet in the middle. Bal is pretty far for me. After a long time I got a response (apparently his phone turned off) saying if I don't want to hang out down there, we can do something this weekend. Well, I wasn't very fond of that idea since I have plans for most of the weekend and had already planned a date with him tonight.... ??? So! We went back and forth for a while. I agreed to come down. Then he says "Pick a place better for you and I'll do my best." His reasoning being that he has to work late (um, like 5:00) and has to shower...and fight traffic in to uptown...??? This, of course, makes no sense to me since I don't get out of work until at least 5:00, and I was the one who would have to fight traffic. Every one is trying to get OUT of Uptown on Wednesday. Anyway, I suggested Village Tavern. And he said "maybe we should get together another time." Really, he just didn't want to drive that far! And the funny thing is -I offered to come to Ballantyne!! Weird. NEXT!

SMP

2009-08-17T17:02:00.000-07:00

When a someone's screen name is SMP, it frightens me a little. Then I find out that his name is Scott? Yikes, even worse. Oh dear. Well, on the bright side, at least it will be easy to remember his name.

Scott seems very nice, our email exchanges have been good, but I'm ready to meet him. I'm not one for emailing or talking for weeks on end to guys before meeting them. This lesson was learned quite some time ago. You can write email and get along great. You think "this guy is awesome" and "he might be the ONE". Then you meet. And within the first fifteen seconds you know that you don't ever want to see him again. So, I no longer waste my time and energy writing and writing and writing. Me? I want to meet some one as soon as possible to see if there is any chemistry. If there isn't, I haven't spent hours slaving away at the computer trying to come up with something clever to say when there is really no need to say anything at all.

But I'm getting off on a tangent here.

Scott. Hoping that we'll get to go out some time this week. He's going to be doing a triathlon on Sunday and says he needs to train this week. But, I'm thinking, if you are doing a tri on Sunday, shouldn't you be "resting"?

Anyway - we'll see how it all goes. I'll be sure to keep posting.

Oh yeah...

2009-08-17T17:00:00.000-07:00

One more thing. The good-bye. No hand shake. No hug. No nothing. Which is fine by me, but also shows me that this is more of a "friend" relationship than anything else. He went to his car and I went to mine.

The End.

Date #1

2009-08-17T16:49:00.001-07:00

I'm going to start this the way I start most of my conversations about my dates. He's a perfectly nice guy...just not the guy for me....

It began with him texting me around 4:30 Friday afternoon. Of course, being the dedicated employee that I am, I was still working diligently at my desk. He was at the bar of the restaurant where we were meeting. (Points for him.)

It wasn 't difficult to pick him out of the crowd considering there were only two other people at the bar - one was an older gentleman, the other, a woman. I slid in to the bar stool next to him and glanced at the beer selection. It was ok, but what I really wanted was a martini. A cosmo. Turned out to not be very good, so I moved on to Spanish wine since it was a Spanish tapas restaurant. The food was good - small plates for sharing - and he ordered way too much. I was so full. I hate it when I do that to myself. Still, that doesn't stop me.

We decide that we'd had enough of the tapas and head over to Therapy in uptown. The newly renevated venue is quite nice and their martinis are superb. I ordered an "I gotta have it" martini, he ordered a beer. I can't remember what kind though....the good thing is - it wasn't a bud light.

We continued our conversation. There were not any uncomfortable moments. Convo flowed, however, there really wasn't much flirting going on as far as I could tell. He was an average looking guy with kinda skinny arms. I think his arms were skinnier than mine, but that isn't difficult to pull off.

Nice guy, I think he is more friend material though. He did ask me out again - in an email at 5:30 the next morning. I'm assuming that this is when he got in from his Friday night out with the boys. (Hmmmm..) I agreed. I mean, I had fun, so why not have fun again. However, this time, I'll have to tell him that I think we'd be better as friends.

Let the Dating Begin!

2009-08-12T16:41:00.000-07:00

I heard from Matt #1 today. Seems that the reason he didn't call last night was because his iphone (?) shut down and he had to reboot it from his computer with the info from the last time he saved it - and that was prior to him having my number? Not sure how all that works, but whatev...

He and his brother own an appraisal company and he likes martinis - so I've got that going for me. Which is nice.

We are planning to go out after work on Friday. He asked what areas I normally hang out in and is trying to find a place with live music. Sounds good to me as long as I make it to the gym on Saturday morning. This is NON-negotiable.

We'll see.....

So, I've also been conversing with a guy named Bill. He's a little older, and his emails amuse me. Thus far I think I get along with him the best. However, you really don't know until you meet some one.

Where in the world are all the men?

2009-08-11T15:56:00.000-07:00

So, I think it has been two full days since I've received an email (or wink!!) from any guys on match. WTF? This better not be a sign of the year in front of me.

Yesterday Matt #1 texted to see when it would be a good time to call. I told him I'd be home later that evening. Didn't hear from him. So, I sent him a text this morning, giving a very specific time for this evening. We'll see.

Matt #1 also texted on Sat and Sun, but we just haven't been able to catch one another.

Where is Matt #2??

Ok. I said that this time I'm really going to put in an effort. So, I'm going to go back to those winks I sent and send emails. Though here's my problem with this move: The "No Thanks" button. I'd rather not get anything than that. Just don't tell me. I'm ok with that. Maybe you never got my email since you don't subscribe - you just have a profile. Or maybe you are taking a little break from dating. But DON'T tell me "No Thanks"!! It hurts my feelings.

Fat Days

2009-08-09T17:48:00.001-07:00

I should really write some updates, but I'm having some fat days. And who wants to date when they feel fat? Healthy life begins again tomorrow.

Why isn't my phone ringing??!!

2009-08-05T17:26:00.001-07:00

Not much to say here except - WHY isn't my phone ringing???!!!

And...I did not recieve one email today from "matches"...this is going to be a llooonnnggg year.......

Wondering...

2009-08-04T16:54:00.001-07:00

if Matt #1 will call....

Seriously?

2009-08-04T16:48:00.000-07:00

Another guy, Brian, sends an email that he wants to get to know me. Ok, great. Cute, tall, owns his own gym. However, he is Young. Very young by my standards. So here's how the first email conversation went:

Me: I'm well. How are you? I'd like to get to know you better as well. Tell me a little more about yourself. Where are you from? What fitness center? In what part of Charlotte do you live?

Him: i was born and raised here,my gym is called bodywise custom fitness,i live near south park mall but my gyms in pineville

Seriously? No more than that? So, not really putting a lot of effort in to this one are you? Don't bother asking me anything. I have nothing to say.

Matt x2

2009-08-03T10:05:00.001-07:00

Guess remembering names won't be very difficult - both guys I'm communicating with are named Matt. Now - how to distinguish them on the caller id.......?

Phone Number #1

2009-08-03T09:40:00.000-07:00

Guess that didn't take all that long. His name is Matt and I don't know much about him. I'm not even sure if I read his profile. I really need to do that. I promised myself that I am going to be serious about this this time around - read profiles in their entirety and remember things about them. So, I just found out that he is 5' 9" - which means that he is probably only 5' 7" or 8". He seems cute, but did not finish college - didn't realize that before communicating, however, I am still willing to give it a shot. Maybe school just wasn't for him, maybe the "school of life" is better. Here's the good news: he does not have children and he put "not sure" of wanting children.

Funny - my phone just rang and then stopped. I looked at the number and it was Matt. I think I sent him the email with my number about ten minutes ago. Well, at least I know he has it.

Whole 'nother story: I received an email from a guy that I met a long time ago on a camping trip. Last week I ran in to him in the Overstreet Mall and he asked if I wanted to grab lunch some time. I said "ok", but I didn't know he meant this week. I don't know. He's one of those that is "good from far". But, what the hell - I'll go anyway. He probably just wants to be friends anyway.

I just read a profile from another guy that wrote to me. What is up with guys not finishing college? Is it really that hard?

Matt just emailed asking when is the best time to call. In this email he also told me that he lives in Ballantyne. Kinda far, but might be worth a drive.

And so it begins...

2009-08-02T15:37:00.001-07:00

My profile is set up and additional photos have been added. Once they are approved, I'll change my primary pic, hoping that the "new" face will attract more suiters.

I've sent out several "winks" (aka: the lazy button) and six emails. My fear is the "No Thanks" reply that I've seen on a number of occassions. I'd rather not hear from a guy at all than get a "No thanks, you aren't good enough for me" response.

The very first time I tried online dating (many, many years ago), I had about fifteen emails in two hours. Not so much this time around. I'm not sure if it is because people have become complacent with online dating, I'm no longer the spring chicken that I once was, or I am no longer "fresh meat". (Meaning: men have seen my picture before and just pass by it thinking "why is she still on this site? if she is still here, there must be something wrong with her.")

Well, let's just hope for the best!

The Big Idea

2009-08-02T11:17:00.001-07:00

As we all know, I've been dating for a long, long time. Sometimes successfully, but usually unsuccessfully. But, I'm giving it one more shot. For one year. I am joining match.com - yet again - and plan to blog about my adventures. Both good and bad. Please join me for a rollercoaster of a year, and who knows, I may just find what I'm looking for.

What am I looking for, you ask? The following are at the top of my list:

Ability to communicate
Great sense of humor that gels with my own
Sense of adventure - some one who enjoys hiking and camping in the mountains
Intelligence - he must be able to hold an intelligent conversation and have his own opinions
Stability - he's got to "have his shit together" as I do.
Ambition
Some one who will love me for who I am, during good times and bad.
Comfort - there must be a level of comfort and ease when we are together. If we aren't talking, it shouldn't be awkward. It should feel content.

I'm not looking for the perfect guy. I'm looking for the perfect guy for me. Here goes nothing!